Not gripping well enough, that's when tricks are playing on your mind.
I just came to realize that I'm actually quite sensitive, I show my emotions easily. That's why I suck at acting. It has always been like that, I have no idea why I can easily have feelings for someone as long as we have great chats, and a bit of chemistry. This sucks, totally sucks so bad.
It's ridiculous, these traps are all pot holes I set up for myself, falling deeper and deeper every time. I know it's great to flirt, it boosts up confidence or a girl alone. But when you realized things are not right, it's hard to leave a game just like that. These flirty games are fun, leaving girls all blushing and that feeling is just amazing, but that's when you pay the price when the person's gone and there, you are all alone, not waiting for that someone but waiting to be loved and caressed.
You see, I'm insecured, I admit that, like totally insecured. I need someone there to actually care for me and show compassion for me. It sounds attention seeking but it is the most comforting thing in this world to me. It's everyone's nature to seek attention, usually the opposite sex. I'm not saying that I'm looking for love from the opposite sex, no, I don't want a boyfriend yet, not now, but I'm actually looking for comfort, for a someone who I can share my thoughts openly with, for a someone who is from the opposite sex as a best friend. I have no idea why I wanted this but it's my nature, I can't hate it, I'm an extrovert in the sense of needing people to be around me to gain energy, to be myself. I really love being around people.
Guessed I already found him.
Things were really wrong at first. I have to admit he's a flirty guy but we seem to catch up little by little, and I really like the way we talk, not denying that I actually feel the chemistry between us. I wasn't sure are those really hints he'd dropped but I just kept it at heart, pretending it's okay and hid those tingling feelings deep down my heart. We sorted things out after I found out he actually is chasing after a girl. I was really straightforward, surprisingly. Then he we are, best friends.
But deep down inside I know, something is amiss. He's still a flirty guy, his actions are obviously crossing the buddy line, but I acted cool, pretending it's normal since he's so Americanized. We really like chatting with each other and now I'm actually depending on him on some ways. He has a girlfriend now and I know I can't really cling on to him anymore, but that just made my heart hollow. It's like he's there but there is still a distance for me to reach him. No I'm not in love with him, totally no but I guess I'm actually missing the comfort I got from him. he gave me security and now his girlfriend appears, and I'm losing in some way.
That's my problem, I'm too dependant on people. I expect them to show me compassion twenty four seven, and feel down when they don't. I've asked myself before, if we really flirted over the line last time, will we become more than best friends. He actually asked me a similar question too, and I said no. A part of my heart wanted it, but the wisdom part of me will always say a 'no'. Why? Because I know it's immature, it's not a part of my value, we are too young, I'm looking for someone understanding and not someone who just gives me sweet tingles. It will always be a no but part of me is selfish, so I still have to endure the selfishness although it's a no.
I'm a believer of God but I dare not to say I'm a very strong follower at heart. If God hadn't place his girlfriend in the middle of our messy relationship last time, I don't think we will be able to clear up our minds and don't even think of becoming best friends. He's just that amazing, putting right people at the right time, He paved a path for me. He's great, amen!
I wouldn't say those tingling feelings disappeared, but I'm trying to clear things off. I know he will always be there as a best friend, there's always a hug for me if I'm breaking down. He's my best friend, I thank God for that although he's a non- believer. People may think I'm searching for attention but no, I feel easy and myself when I'm with him, it's true that every girl needs a guy friend, cus' there are always stuff that your girl friends don't get. Sorry but I laugh at some dirty jokes which my girl friends feel disgusted about. That's one of the reason guy friends are for. I don't take him for granted but he's really someone I'll appreciate, for a long time guess.
Seventeen years old and I managed to crawl out of a complicated friend-flirt relationship and found my stand. Thanks boy, thanks for being there. BFFs forever.
Guessed I already found him.
Things were really wrong at first. I have to admit he's a flirty guy but we seem to catch up little by little, and I really like the way we talk, not denying that I actually feel the chemistry between us. I wasn't sure are those really hints he'd dropped but I just kept it at heart, pretending it's okay and hid those tingling feelings deep down my heart. We sorted things out after I found out he actually is chasing after a girl. I was really straightforward, surprisingly. Then he we are, best friends.
But deep down inside I know, something is amiss. He's still a flirty guy, his actions are obviously crossing the buddy line, but I acted cool, pretending it's normal since he's so Americanized. We really like chatting with each other and now I'm actually depending on him on some ways. He has a girlfriend now and I know I can't really cling on to him anymore, but that just made my heart hollow. It's like he's there but there is still a distance for me to reach him. No I'm not in love with him, totally no but I guess I'm actually missing the comfort I got from him. he gave me security and now his girlfriend appears, and I'm losing in some way.
That's my problem, I'm too dependant on people. I expect them to show me compassion twenty four seven, and feel down when they don't. I've asked myself before, if we really flirted over the line last time, will we become more than best friends. He actually asked me a similar question too, and I said no. A part of my heart wanted it, but the wisdom part of me will always say a 'no'. Why? Because I know it's immature, it's not a part of my value, we are too young, I'm looking for someone understanding and not someone who just gives me sweet tingles. It will always be a no but part of me is selfish, so I still have to endure the selfishness although it's a no.
I'm a believer of God but I dare not to say I'm a very strong follower at heart. If God hadn't place his girlfriend in the middle of our messy relationship last time, I don't think we will be able to clear up our minds and don't even think of becoming best friends. He's just that amazing, putting right people at the right time, He paved a path for me. He's great, amen!
I wouldn't say those tingling feelings disappeared, but I'm trying to clear things off. I know he will always be there as a best friend, there's always a hug for me if I'm breaking down. He's my best friend, I thank God for that although he's a non- believer. People may think I'm searching for attention but no, I feel easy and myself when I'm with him, it's true that every girl needs a guy friend, cus' there are always stuff that your girl friends don't get. Sorry but I laugh at some dirty jokes which my girl friends feel disgusted about. That's one of the reason guy friends are for. I don't take him for granted but he's really someone I'll appreciate, for a long time guess.
Seventeen years old and I managed to crawl out of a complicated friend-flirt relationship and found my stand. Thanks boy, thanks for being there. BFFs forever.
